Instead of heading for the big mental breakdown, I decided to have a small breakdown every Tuesday evening.

She: I want you so bad right now!
Me: So 'badly'.

A friend of mine, after years of flying, is now permanently jetlagged.
Doctors say there's nothing they can do for him. He left it too late.

I'm waiting for them to invent a Global Re-Positioning System.
It shouldn't take too long, it's only two extra letters.